Healing past wounds, rediscovering your inner child, and cultivating emotional freedom
Introduction: Armor, Anxiety, and the Inner Child
Many adult clients arrive in therapy feeling encased in emotional armour—rigid, disconnected, and on alert. Whether from childhood trauma, cultural messaging, or years of survival mode, that armour once protected, but now restricts. The analogy is simple: beneath layers of self-protection lies an inner child—untouched, tender, curious—that longs to breathe.
In Dover, beneath the white cliffs and shifting tides, I often invite clients to imagine removing this armour—one rivet at a time—and reconnecting with their spontaneous, creative, and vulnerable self. This reflective article explores how counsellors and individuals can gently dismantle emotional defences, reclaim joy, and live with greater openness.
1. The Armour: What It Is and Why It Exists
1.1 Emotional Armour
Emotional armour refers to the protective layers we build around ourselves—beliefs, behaviours, rigid defences—that shield us from perceived threats, rejection, or pain. Examples include perfectionism, people-pleasing, emotional shutdown, distraction, and self‑criticism.
1.2 Origins in Childhood
Most often, this armour forms early. Children who face neglect, shame, high expectations, or emotional inconsistency learn strategies to manage survival:
- Stay quiet to avoid conflict
- Be perfect to gain affection
- Numb out to avoid hurt
These strategies may temporarily protect the vulnerable child. But over time, they reinforce patterns: shame‑based identity (“I must be strong”) and self-erasure.
1.3 Cost of Living in Armour in Adulthood
- Disconnected from emotions, creativity, spontaneity
- Difficulty with intimacy and authentic connection
- High anxiety, burnout, or emotional flatness
- Inner child remains unexpressed, inflamed, or silenced
2. The Inner Child: Who Lives Beneath the Armour
2.1 Defining the Inner Child
Psychotherapeutically, the inner child is the part of us that retains childhood experiences, memories, emotions, and unmet needs. It’s playful, curious, afraid, and seeking connection.
2.2 Signs Your Inner Child Is Starved
- You struggle to rest or play
- You feel “other” in joyful settings—guilty for wanting fun
- You self-soothe with escapism: screens, food, addictive patterns
- You carry unprocessed childhood wounds into adult decisions
2.3 Why Reconnecting Matters
- Builds self-compassion and authenticity
- Releases chronic stress held in bodily armour
- Awakens creativity, spontaneity, and relational richness
3. Dismantling the Armour
This is not a sprint—it’s a gradual, compassionate process. Below is a framework used in walk-and-talk sessions beneath Dover’s cliffs.
3.1 Awareness & Mapping
Exercise: Create two columns—Armour vs Inner Child. Write thoughts, feelings, behaviours associated with each.
| Armour Voice | Inner Child Voice |
| “Don’t show weakness.” | “I wish I felt safe to cry.” |
| “I must be perfect at work.” | “I just want to play with ideas.” |
Seeing them side-by-side allows you to begin noticing internal conflict.
3.2 Invitation Rather Than Conflict
Instead of attacking or rejecting your armour, invite gentle curiosity:
- “Armour, thank you for protecting me.”
- “Inner child, what do you need today?”
This avoids escalation and builds self-cohesion.
3.3 Somatic Connection
Visit sheltered outdoor spots—e.g. Dover Castle courtyard or Marine Parade—where clients can physically drop shoulders, breathe into ribs, and sense life beyond tension.
Prompt: “Where do you feel constriction in your body right now? Imagine directing breath there, uncurling and unwinding.”
Somatic felt experience often shifts stuck emotional energy from the chest, jaw or abdomen.
3.4 Creative Expression
Invite the inner child out through non-judgmental expression:
- Watercolour painting on the beach
- Walking barefoot on sand
- Singing under a white cliff echo chamber
- Journalling childhood memories or dreams
Play becomes a language beyond words—through it, the child finds voice and breath.
3.5 Re-parenting
Clients practice dialoguing with the younger version:
- Name the child’s age at wound (“Little you at age 7”)
- Ask: “What do you long for?”
- Respond with adult-caregiver compassion: “You are safe. You are heard.”
- Integrate: “I will look after you today.”
This ongoing internal re-parenting repairs dysregulated attachment schemas.
4. Inner Child Healing Tools
4.1 Safe Place Visualisation
Guided imagery invites clients to visualise a secret, peaceful childhood haven — perhaps that feels like a Dover garden, castle ruins, or a hidden cliff-top hideaway.
4.2 Journalling Prompts
- Write a letter to your inner child.
- Describe a time you felt truly joy-filled.
- What do you wish an adult had told you?
- List five activities your inner child would love to try.
4.3 Creative Play Sessions
Host small-group sessions or recommend at-home activities:
- Playdough modelling in seaside pastel colours
- Collaging images of childhood joy
- Storytelling with puppets or memory toys
4.4 Sand and Water Rituals
At Dover beach:
- Trace childhood words in wet sand (“play”, “dream”, “safe”) and watch each wave gently dissolve them — symbolising release and rebirth.
- Scoop seawater to the lips, breathe it in, and feel boundary softened — reclaiming fluidity.
4.5 Mirror Work
Stand before a mirror, look softly at your adult self. Allow the inner child to appear in the reflection:
- “I see you. I love you.”
- Place a gentle hand on the chest—affirming presence.
5. Integration: Blending Armour With Tenderness
True healing is not throwing armour away instantly—but learning to let the child emerge alongside it.
5.1 Safe Vulnerability Experiments
Begin small:
- Share something playful or feminine with a trusted friend or therapist.
- Eat an unusual ice‑cream flavour because it delights your palate.
- Tell a silly joke and accept going unheard.
Each of these is a tiny “child‑approved” risk that builds inner trust.
5.2 Daily Rituals to Nourish the Child
- Morning dance: stretch and sway rather than check messages.
- Write a gratitude list focused on sensory joys (what did your child notice?)
- Give yourself a small gift — a bright scarf, favourite tea, small flower.
5.3 Compassionate Reparenting Affirmations
Keep sticky notes or phone reminders:
- “You are safe now.”
- “It’s okay to feel childish joy.”
- “You don’t have to perform for love.”
Repeated practice rewires inner narratives.
6. Why the Dover Coastcape Matters in this Process
6.1 Nature as Sympathetic Witness
The sea, cliffs, and natural rhythms of Dover provide a powerful backdrop:
- Expanse offers perspective beyond self-conscious perfectionism.
- Waves mirror emotional release.
- Chalk beaches ground feet, mind and breath.
6.2 Walk‑and‑Talk Therapy
Walking the Marine Parade or Castle Green allows clients to:
- Symbolically shed armour
- Anchor in the present sans screens or familiarity
- Pair reflective conversation with embodied release
6.3 Seasonal Timing
Spring and early summer bring new blooms along cliff‑tops—mirroring inner child emergence. Scheduling therapeutic blocks during those months supports growth.
7. Case Example
Marie, aged 38, accountant and mother, had spent decades always being “the strong one”. She avoided emotions: tears, anger, grief. In therapy, she described her mindset: “I can’t be weak—I’ll unravel.”
In sessions beneath Dover Castle, we built her inner child map. Through sand rituals, painting sessions, self‑dialogues and mirror affirmations, Marie slowly permitted:
- Tears during a guided visualisation
- Laughter in spontaneous painting
- Rest instead of “powering through”
Five months later, she emailed: “I didn’t break when I cried at the funeral. I sang at my daughter’s school concert. My shoulders feel lighter—even though most people say I’m still ‘strong.’ Now I know I can be strong from softness, not stiffness.”
8. FAQs
Is my inner child ‘crazy’ or childish?
No—reconnecting with your inner child is not regression. It’s letting go of rigid self-suppression and reclaiming authentic emotional capacity.
Won’t dismantling armour make me vulnerable again?
Yes, vulnerability is real—but it also allows connection, joy, and release. Healthy armour lets in—not closes down.
Can I do this work alone?
You can start simple exercises alone. But for deeper safety wounds or trauma, a trained counsellor (especially one integrating child‑centred, trauma‑informed or somatic techniques) is important.
How often should I practice child‑centred tools?
Small daily practices (mirror affirmations, breath play, gratitude) plus a deeper weekly ritual (sand writing, journalling, walk therapy) tend to foster sustainable integration.
Any local support in Kent or Dover?
Look for counsellors offering walk‑and‑talk, arts‑based therapy, or inner child healing within BACP or Counselling Directory listings. Know that many practitioners near the South East coast embrace ecotherapy approaches.
9. Practical Checklist for Inner Child Healing
| Practice | Daily | Weekly | Monthly |
| Mirror affirmation | ✔️ | ||
| Creative play or journalling | ✔️ | ||
| Sand/water ritual or walk | ✔️ | ||
| Tender treats (tea, flowers etc.) | ✔️ | ||
| Re-parenting dialogue | ✔️ | ||
| Safe vulnerability challenge | ✔️ | ✔️ |
Conclusion: Let the Child In—Leave the Armour Behind
Your emotional armour once shielded you from pain. But now it weeds out joy, spontaneity, and intimacy. Beneath it, your inner child remains waiting—hungry for kindness, curiosity, and breath.
Whether in therapy sessions by Dover’s cliffs or in your own reflective moments at home, healing begins with invitation: “Little one, you are safe now. You can rest. You may play.”
Slowly, gently, you can learn to dismantle the armour—not through force, but through inner courage, embodied rituals, and compassionate curiosity. In doing so, you might discover strength not through stiffness, but through softness—resilient, radiant, and free.
🔎 Visit my Blog – to learn more, or my website www.wellnesscounsellingservice.com my page on Psychology Today Elena Ward, Counsellor, Ruislip, HA4 | Psychology Today or Counselling Directory Counsellor Elena Ward – Dover & Ruislip – Counselling Directory to book a session in Dover.
Alternatively visit Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb or Counselling Directory Counselling Directory – Find a Counsellor Near You to find a Counsellor in your area.
Resources
- Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Routledge.
- Bradshaw, J. (1990). Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child. Bantam Books.
- Crittenden, P. M. (2008). Raising Parents: Attachment, Parenting and Child Safety. Willan Publishing.
- Holmes, J. (2010). Exploring In Security: Towards an Attachment-Informed Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy. Routledge.
- Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema Therapy: A Practitioner’s Guide. Guilford Press.
- Levine, P. A., & Frederick, A. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma. North Atlantic Books.
- Jung, C. G. (1964). Man and His Symbols. Aldus Books.
- Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
- Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment. International Universities Press.
- Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life’s Challenges. Constable & Robinson.
- Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.
- Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation. Routledge.