A healthy relationship should be built on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. However, some relationships become toxic, leading to emotional distress, insecurity, and a loss of self-worth. Recognising the signs of a toxic relationship and learning how to set boundaries can be life changing. In this article, we’ll explore the warning signs of a toxic relationship, the impact it can have on mental well-being, and practical steps to establish healthy boundaries.
What is a Toxic Relationship?
A toxic relationship is one where one or both partners engage in harmful behaviours that undermine the emotional or physical well-being of the other. Toxic relationships can exist in romantic partnerships, friendships, family relationships, or even workplace environments.
Signs of a Toxic Relationship
Recognising the red flags of a toxic relationship is the first step towards protecting yourself. Here are some of the most common signs:
1. Constant Criticism and Belittling
Toxic partners often make you feel unworthy by constantly criticising your appearance, abilities, or personality. They may use phrases like, “You’ll never be good enough” or “You can’t do anything right.” Over time, this can lead to low self-esteem and self-doubt.
2. Manipulation Behaviours
- Guilt-Tripping – Making someone feel guilty to get their way. Example: “After everything I’ve done for you, you won’t do this one thing for me?”
- Silent Treatment – Withholding communication to punish or control the other person.
- Playing the Victim – Exaggerating personal struggles to avoid responsibility or gain sympathy.
- Love-Bombing – Showering someone with excessive affection to create dependency, followed by withdrawal.
- Blame-Shifting – Turning the blame onto the other person to avoid accountability. Example: “You made me do this by upsetting me.”
- Withholding Information – Keeping details hidden to maintain power over a situation.
3. Gaslighting Behaviours
Gaslighting is a common tactic used in toxic relationships, where one partner distorts reality to make the other doubt their own perceptions. This can leave you feeling confused, anxious, and questioning your own sanity.
- Denying Past Events – Example: “That never happened. You must be imagining things.”
- Trivialising Feelings – Example: “You’re too sensitive. Stop overreacting.”
- Contradicting Reality – Example: “You’re crazy, that’s not what I said at all.”
- Twisting Conversations – Changing the subject or distorting past words to create confusion.
- Rewriting History – Insisting events happened differently than they actually did.
- Using Confusion as a Tactic – Frequently changing details so the other person feels unsure of themselves.
- Isolating the Victim – Convincing them that others are untrustworthy or against them. Example: “Your friends don’t really care about you like I do.”
4. Controlling Behaviour
A toxic partner may try to control aspects of your life, such as your social interactions, career choices, or even daily routines. They might demand access to your phone or social media, making you feel like you have no personal freedom.
5. Lack of Respect for Boundaries
If your partner frequently dismisses your feelings or pushes you to do things you are uncomfortable with, they are disrespecting your boundaries. This could include emotional, physical, or financial boundaries.
Example: You tell your partner that certain past experiences are painful for you, but they keep bringing them up, saying, “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not a big deal.”
Another example is when you express that you don’t like public displays of affection, but they still force hugs or kisses on you in social settings despite your discomfort.
6. Excessive Jealousy and Possessiveness
While some level of jealousy is natural, extreme jealousy is a sign of insecurity and control. A toxic partner might accuse you of infidelity without reason or isolate you from friends and family, for example:
“Who were you talking to for so long? You seemed too happy—was it someone I should be worried about?”
“Why did you like that person’s photo on social media? Are you interested in them?”
“If you really loved me, you wouldn’t need to spend so much time with your friends.”
“Give me your phone—I just want to check that there’s nothing you’re hiding.”
“Why did you take so long to reply to my message? What were you really doing?”
7. Emotional or Physical Abuse
Any form of abuse—whether emotional, verbal, or physical—is a major red flag. Emotional abuse can include silent treatment, name-calling, or threats, while physical abuse involves any form of harm to your body.
How Toxic Relationships Impact Mental Health
Being in a toxic relationship can lead to:
- Anxiety and Depression – Constant stress and emotional turmoil can severely affect your mental health.
- Low Self-Esteem – Repeated criticism and emotional manipulation can make you doubt your self-worth.
- Chronic Stress and Fatigue – The emotional drain of a toxic relationship can lead to exhaustion and burnout.
- Isolation from Friends and Family – Toxic partners often try to isolate their victims, cutting them off from sources of support.
How to Set Boundaries in a Toxic Relationship
If you suspect you are in a toxic relationship, setting clear boundaries is crucial for your well-being. Here’s how to do it effectively:
1. Identify Your Limits
Take time to reflect on what behaviours you are unwilling to tolerate. This could be anything from verbal abuse to lack of respect for your privacy. Identify what you will and won’t accept. Start by defining what behaviours make you feel uncomfortable or disrespected.
Ask yourself:
Does my partner constantly dismiss my feelings?
Do they pressure me into things I don’t want to do?
Do they violate my personal space or privacy?
By recognising these behaviours, you can set clear emotional, physical, and communication boundaries to protect yourself.
2. Communicate Your Boundaries Clearly
Vague boundaries create room for misinterpretation. When setting boundaries, be direct and specific about what is acceptable and what is not.
For example:
Weak boundary: “I don’t like it when you cancel plans at the last minute.”
Clear boundary: “If you repeatedly cancel plans without notice, I won’t make future plans with you.”
The clearer you are, the easier it is to stay consistent. Express your needs assertively but calmly. Use “I” statements, such as: “I feel disrespected when you speak to me in that tone. I need you to communicate with me respectfully.”
Read more about how to improve communication in relationships: Effective Communication Strategies for Healthier Relationships
3. Be Consistent with Your Boundaries
Once you’ve set boundaries, stick to them. Toxic partners may try to test or push your boundaries to regain control. They might guilt-trip you, downplay their behaviour, or make false promises to change. Consistency in boundary-setting is essential. Some people will test your limits to see if they can wear you down. They might say things like:
“Just this once, please?”
“I thought we were close. Why are you acting distant?”
“You used to be so easy-going. What happened?”
Stay firm. If someone constantly disrespects your boundaries, they are showing you that they do not value your well-being. If a toxic partner repeatedly crosses your boundaries, consider the next steps, including distancing yourself from the relationship.
For professional couples counselling to help with toxic relationships, you can visit Relate, the UK’s largest provider of relationship support Relate – Relationship Counselling
4. Limit Contact or Walk Away
If a partner refuses to change or continues to harm your emotional well-being, in extreme cases, the healthiest choice may be to walk away.
Leaving a toxic relationship though, is often far from easy, as emotional, psychological, and practical barriers can make the process overwhelming. Many individuals experience fear, guilt, or self-doubt, especially if they have been manipulated or made to feel dependent on their partner. Emotional attachment, hope for change, and fear of loneliness can all contribute to staying in an unhealthy relationship longer than is safe or beneficial.
Additionally, financial control, social isolation, and emotional abuse can create further obstacles, making it harder to leave. In more extreme cases, individuals may face intimidation or threats, reinforcing the belief that leaving is not an option. However, with the right support system—friends, family, professional counselling, or domestic abuse charities—it is possible to break free from a toxic relationship and regain control over your life.
5. Seek Professional Support
Speaking to a relationship counsellor can provide clarity and coping strategies. Therapy can help you rebuild self-esteem, heal from emotional damage, and navigate complex emotions.
Explore professional counselling options at Relate UK. Or find a counsellor on Counselling Directory Counselling Directory – Find a Counsellor Near You or Psychology Today Psychology Today United Kingdom: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist.
Moving Forward: Healing After a Toxic Relationship
Leaving a toxic relationship is not easy, but prioritising your emotional health is essential. Being in a toxic relationship can be deeply traumatising, leaving lasting emotional scars that take time to heal. Constant manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse can erode self-esteem, create anxiety, and lead to feelings of worthlessness or self-doubt. Many people struggle with trust issues, PTSD-like symptoms, and difficulty forming healthy relationships after experiencing prolonged toxicity. Healing from such a relationship requires patience, self-compassion, and professional support to rebuild confidence and emotional resilience. Here are some steps to help you heal:
- Surround Yourself with Supportive People – Reconnect with trusted friends and family who uplift and support you.
- Practice Self-Care – Engage in activities that make you feel happy and relaxed, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies.
- Challenge Negative Thoughts – Work on rebuilding your self-worth by replacing self-critical thoughts with positive affirmations.
- Consider Therapy – Professional therapy can provide guidance in healing from past trauma and regaining confidence.
Final Thoughts
Recognising a toxic relationship is the first step toward regaining control over your life. Setting firm boundaries and prioritising your well-being is essential in any relationship. If you find yourself in a harmful situation, seek support and take steps to protect your mental and emotional health.
💬 Have you experienced a toxic relationship? Share your thoughts or insights in the comments below.
🔎 Need professional guidance? I offer expert counselling services to help you establish healthy boundaries and rebuild self-confidence. Visit www.wellnesscounsellingservice.com or my page on Psychology Today or Counselling Directory Counsellor Elena Ward – Dover & Ruislip – Counselling Directory to learn more and book a session.